I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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