I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
