Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
