who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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