yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
