i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
