So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize