you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
