Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
