like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
