the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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