I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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