I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
