my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
