I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
