I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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