you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
