Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
