why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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