Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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