I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
