I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
