You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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