Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
