The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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