I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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