Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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