Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
