I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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