i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize