I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
