I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize