I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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