You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
