I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
