Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
