when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
