her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize