i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
