I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
