Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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