I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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