I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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