I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
