My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize