so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
