hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want her autograph on my taint
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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