i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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