He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
