We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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