She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize