Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
