I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
