i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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