It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
