Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
