we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
