So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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