I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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