Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
