why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
