A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
