the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
