if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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