so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a search helicopter?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
