It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
