This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize