twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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