Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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