She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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