Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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