Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
