You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
