her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
