you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just pee around me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
