the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
