First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
