pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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