My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
