You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
