I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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