I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
