we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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