So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
