we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
