I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
