1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize