I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
