i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
