i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
