My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize