TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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