I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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