i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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