I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
