2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
