I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
