Buhtt sex?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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