We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
