ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
