So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
