You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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