I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
