Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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