Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Randomize
