You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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