I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
