that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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