Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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