we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
