it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
