Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
